Orange Sky
by Airealataiel
Summary: [Finished!] MWPP. JamesLily, with SiriusRemus. 'It seems the sides have flopped.' Not your typical LJ story.
1. Circular Habits

This could, quite possibly, be the most twisted MWPP story you will read. Maybe not … I know that there are plenty out there. I mean, twisted can get really … bad. But this is one of those twisted stories that aren't written about very often. So I hope you like it.

**Warning:** This story will eventually include slash, sex, and possibly vulgar language. Suggestive themes, etc. etc. Do not read if you can't handle it.

* * *

It's a funny thing, when you spend so much time out of your life doing one particularly similar action that it becomes natural to you. Habit. It's a funny thing when habits form, I suppose I'm saying. Especially when these habits are incredibly ridiculous. Like James Potter's obsession with Lily Evans, and her continuous flow of hatred toward him. Now that is a true tale of funny habits. It's really not a funny story at all; it's actually pretty sad. But the habits were rather funny, indeed.

James Potter; unruly black hair, dazzling hazel eyes, beautiful grin, naturally born Quidditch star, grade A student without having to touch a book. He was the heart and soul of Hogwarts in his day; the sort of walking, talking, breathing, laughing, loveable idol that girls lined up to get a date with and guys wished they could be. He was a true spirit if there ever was.

And then there was Lily.

Lily Evans. Flaming red hair (that happened, coincidentally, to match her temper), bright emerald eyes, flawless skin, petit, bookworm. The teachers loved her because she was a dedicated student – dedicated to rules, learning, and helping others. They didn't love her like they loved James. But they loved her.

Which is a nice thing, you see, because it seemed like few other people did. This is largely due to the aforementioned male James Potter, who happened to be one of the few that did love her. For a while, anyway. Six years, to be exact. For six whole years at Hogwarts, James had discovered Lily and her brilliance … and girls had been glaring at her enviously ever since.

You can imagine that it would all be one big happy story if I told you that they fell in love and had a darling little child that saved the world. Except that that's not exactly what happened. I mean, in a roundabout way I suppose it is, but if I only told you that, it would be leaving out the details that make it the sad story that I already told you it was. It's sort of ironic, in a way, how it all happened.

James Potter was, arguably, the most attractive boy to ever pass through Hogwarts' halls. Arguably, because James' best mate, Sirius Black, was probably just as attractive. Now, that isn't to say that very handsome boys never before, during, nor after their time attended Hogwarts – certainly many did. But James and Sirius were the most attractive because they were loved by all girls (and even some guys), envied by most boys, adored by the teachers, and admired by almost anyone they passed on the street. That is to say, they were not only quite possibly the most physically attractive people at the school, but they were also loved for their personalities.

One girl, however, definitely did not love them. For six years, that is. And of course, this girl was none other than the one and only Lily Evans. You can already see where this is going. James loved Lily. Lily hated James. It was one rather consequential circle of habit.

For six long years, James had chased Lily around the castle in attempt to win her heart. It is very surprising to most people that he even lasted that long. Eventually, though – and that means all in one grandiose moment over the summer before his seventh year – it occurred to James that he had been wasting his time. Try being turned down once after a month's hard work … the feeling of lost time hurts. Now imagine being turned down hundreds of times over a period of six years, and then when you've almost run out of youth, realizing that you've wasted your time.

This is what hit James smack in the face three days before term was supposed to start. Actually, it had been Sirius' broom handle, but the mentioned thought process indeed followed.

But James was not the only one who was regretting the way he had spent the first six years of his time at Hogwarts. Lily was none too proud at the way she had treated James Potter. She used to refer to it as "handling the situation," but James had pretty much changed his entire being by their sixth year, and it had been only after they went home for the summer holidays that Lily really noticed how much this had meant to her.

It didn't help that she had spent the summer with her best friend Alice. Petunia was really getting to be quite unbearable these days, and her boyfriend Vernon, or whatever …, was really not that great either. Alice had always been, to Lily's annoyance, firmly convinced that one day Lily would fall in love with James and they would have lots of little James-Lily babies and Alice would be their godmother and spoil them all like crazy. Of course, Lily was not happy about this – especially when, that fateful summer before their last year, Alice convinced Lily that she was indeed falling for James Potter.

In Lily's mind, all was doomed, and this had to be the first day of a whole year of hell, she was sure.


	2. Bad News and Bickering

Train rides were quite possibly, in Lily's opinion, about as boring as Hogwarts could possibly get. She had only Alice and Katie that really meant anything to her, and she kept well in touch with them over the summers, so it wasn't like she was waiting for September 1st so that she could catch up with her friends. Which is why she found it entirely ridiculous the way the students could run around so crazily.

"Is there no order around here at all?" Lily said to Katie and Alice when a boy ran into her on the platform, spilling the contents of her trunk everywhere. He didn't even manage a sorry or stop to help her pick her things up. She really didn't need it though – with one swish of her wand, it was all neatly packed again.

"No, but my bet is that that's why you were made Head Girl," Alice replied with a grin.

Lily gave a mock frown, but replied with, "Yea, that's what I intend on doing, too."

She was met by a short gasp, and a giggle from Katie. "I don't know how far you'll get with that, Lilykins."

"What? Why?" she retorted.

"Well, when you've seen who the Head Boy is, you might see what she means," Alice finished.

Lily pouted, ready to ask who could possibly be the Head Boy and why they would think that he would be irresponsible, when she turned around to bump into the chest of none other than James Potter, with a suspicious looking badge pinned to it, slightly right of Lily's face. Upon closer inspection, she noticed with slight shock that it was the Head Boy badge.

This was going to be a year from hell, for sure.

Lily blushed as she took a step backward. James rubbed his chest where her head had smashed into his collarbone. Alice and Katie giggled.

"Oh stop it you two. You're being stupid!" Her face flushed. She wished a hippogriff would come flying through the window and kill her on the spot, but she had no such luck.

"We're going to find a compartment. Come along later, hun." They quickly retreated, whispering feverishly. Lily sighed and turned back to James.

He was looking at her strangely. She couldn't understand his expression. He had an almost detached sort of interest in his eyes, but it didn't go further than a polite, "Hey. So I see you're the Head Girl." He seemed almost disappointed. Lily's heart turned over unexpectedly, causing her to have to catch her breath. "Though, I mean, I guess that would have been sort of obvious. I suppose mine was a little more startling."

Lily nodded. She wasn't sure what to say. She could have smacked herself for being so rude. She felt extremely horrible. But he was looking at her again, and she could feel his hazel eyes gazing so deeply into her own that she thought he could read every thought she had ever had. She blushed and looked down at her toes.

"Well, bye then," James said awkwardly. "I'll see you in the Prefect compartment later?"

Lily wasn't listening, but she suddenly felt an uncomfortable silence. "What? Oh .. um … yea … later then …"

James regarded her as though she had some sort of disease, then shrugged and waved over his shoulder as he walked away.

Lily found Katie and Alice's compartment shortly, and collapsed into the empty seat they had left for her. The two of them watched her carefully as she buried her head in her hands.

"I am so incredibly stupid."

They looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

* * *

Lily had successfully made it through the day without any more embarrassing mishaps. She pulled herself together, regained her composure and her pride, and an hour or so later she appeared in the Prefect compartment of the train, ready to do business. She gave a long and dull speech about what she planned to have done by the end of the year. James gave a completely spontaneous, two-minute speech that was about twenty times better than Lily's. Lily ignored this.

The Prefects had quickly filed out of the compartment when they had finished being briefed, and James and Lily were left alone for the remainder of the ride. James sat engulfed by _Quidditch Through The Ages_. Lily picked up _Hogwarts, A History_ and pretended to be reading it, but her efforts were entirely worthless. Every few minutes she looked up to catch a glimpse at James. He was, after all, incredibly handsome, as the girls staring in through the compartment door had seemingly all known for some time. After a while of being watched, Lily snapped the blinds shut, clearly annoyed. She heard dejected feet shuffling away in the corridor, and turned around to see James looking at her curiously. Lily grinned sheepishly, and James smiled slightly before turning back to his book. Lily hated herself.

* * *

The evening passed quickly, and Lily soon found herself waking up in her familiar four-poster bed. Except that it wasn't familiar, and she wasn't in her familiar dorm room with her two best friends and the two other Gryffindor girls her age. She quickly realized that she was in the Head Girl dormitory, and she could not argue; she remembered from the evening before being amazed at how extraordinary the furnishings were here. Lily used the shower in the bathroom she shared with James (what a shame) and headed down to breakfast. She always loved the first day of school.

James did not always love the first day of school. Actually, most of the time, James hated the first day of school. Because it meant, well, school. Not that he didn't like Hogwarts. Hogwarts was James' home away from home, as it was for many people. But he didn't like school, especially when he opened his schedule that McGonagall had passed out only moments before to find that he had his first day back with the two most horrid classes ever: History of Magic – can you say b.o.r.i.n.g., and Potions, with, of course, the Slytherins, and that nasty Slughorn character. So it was quite possibly the worst of all possible situations.

Except that it could get worse.

And it did.

Years later, James would come to regard this as one of the worst days of his life. Currently, though, he suspected that it was just another of those crappy first days of term. The owls came as he was biting into a piece of toast. He successfully ignored the annoying flutter of hundreds of wings until his owl landed on his plate gracefully and took a rather large bite out of his toast. James laughed and set it down, taking the letter from Apollo. He had named his owl after the Greek god Apollo, handsome and wise.

The bird stayed and waited for James to read the letter, almost as if he knew what was written in it, with a sympathetic look in his very orange, round eyes.

From further down the table, Lily watched James open a letter he had recently received. She watched his eyes roaming over the paper; as they went further down, his face quickly drained its color and his fingers began to tremble. In the moment that he finished reading and let the letter flutter silently to the table, she thought he looked incredibly vulnerable and weak. She wondered what could possibly have happened. She watched in shameful interest as Sirius noticed James' shocked expression and read the paper – his face, too, losing most of its jolly color.

The two quickly got up and left the room. Remus glanced after them, turned and caught Lily's gaze. She flushed a deep shade of magenta and returned her eyes to her plate, but not quickly enough to miss Remus' surprised expression before he rushed after the other two Marauders.

* * *

Lily couldn't really say she was surprised not to see James at the first Prefect meeting, or the second. By the third, she was mildly frustrated. By the fourth, she was concerned. He had also been missing about half of his classes, and when he did decide to show up, he was always so tired and sad looking. She started to feel immensely guilty for not being nicer to him, but she really hadn't seen him around enough to be able to say anything to him anyway. And what was she really supposed to say? She didn't even know for sure what was going on.

One evening about halfway through the second week of school, Lily returned to the Head common room to find James brooding before the fire. His hair was slightly matted and he had been wearing the shirt for three days now. She couldn't tell if it was the flickering shadows of the fire or her own sleepy, delusional mind, but the bags under his eyes seemed painfully dark. The boy before her had his hands buried in his hair, completely zoned out and sort of dead looking.

Lily slid her books on to the table by the couch and sat down next to James. She tried not to think about the heat that radiated from him. Now was not the time for suggestive thoughts. She sat with him in silence for a few minutes, and then she placed her hand softly on his knee.

James jumped slightly, startled, as if he hadn't even noticed Lily until she had put her hand on his leg. He shifted his weight a little and glanced at her from the corners of his eyes. Lily wondered how someone usually so beautiful could look so exhausted.

"James….?" She said timidly.

No answer. He was staring back into the fire, listening to the soft crackling of the flames.

"James… come on … talk to me. Please?"

Again. Lily felt helpless. She carefully lifted her hand from James' leg and ran it up and down his back, softly. That had always soothed her when her mother did it for her. She stared at him hopefully.

"James… James, you haven't come to a single Prefect meeting …" James sighed. Lily winced. She knew that would be the wrong thing to say. So why had she said it?

"Please, just … leave me alone…"

"James…" she tried again. "Come on James … you've been skipping class … I'm concerned about you …"

James turned and stared at her with such shocking intensity that Lily's hand fell limp on to the back of the couch. James stood up rather fiercely and strode toward the stairs that led up to his dorm.

Lily followed. "Wait, James, wait!" She was desperate. She knew he knew it.

James turned around and glared at her for a moment.

"James … please …" her voice was barely above a whisper, "you're making me so worried."

"Evans, just … just, go away."

"James, please!"

"Listen," he said, raising his voice as he came down the stairs. Even ground. "You are the last person I want to talk to about my problems, okay?"

"James … I just want to know if you're alright."

James looked so scary that Lily wondered if it was possible for anyone to regret their words as much as she did. "You have. No right." he growled. "I can't believe you."

"What are you talking about?" Lily was slightly frightened. James was glaring at her more intensely than he had ever glared at anyone before. She had, in fact, never even seen his wrath, let alone fury like this.

"You don't have any right to just come in here and tell me you care about me!" he shouted. Because he was shouting now. "You don't have any right to come around me and give me that look, like you are concerned with everything in my life! You don't know anything about me!"

"No, I don't know anything about you. That's why I'm asking!" Lily shouted back, but nowhere nearly as forcefully as James had.

"And I don't want you to!" he spat. He spun around and began to climb the stairs angrily, but seemed to have changed his mind. Now that he was worked up, he had something to say. So he stormed back down the stairs to about two feet from Lily. "You know what, you are ridiculous!" Lily looked outraged. "Do you want to know something? I spent six years of my life trying to get you to like me! You have no idea what I went through. I embarrassed myself over and over, but you always shot down any pride I had. I tried being nice to you, doing things for you, but that didn't work. I spent an entire year asking people what you liked, how you felt about things, what your views were, your goals. I changed everything about who I was for you, and you have done nothing but spit in my face!"

Lily opened her mouth to reply.

"No, I am not done yet!" he commanded. Lily closed her mouth. "Do you know how many times you broke my heart, Lily?" It was a rhetorical question. Neither of them had ever really counted, but they both knew it was enough times. "And yet for some ridiculous reason, I kept trying! And you kept being unexplainably rude and horrible to me! Everything you hated about me, I changed, and I was still never good enough for you, was I?"

Once again, Lily opened her mouth. But it was once again a rhetorical question.

"No, I wasn't. You wouldn't date any other guy, but you wouldn't even give me a chance. You have no idea what kind of hell you put me through. And I was stupid enough to believe that some day I would be able to change your mind. But do you know what, I was wrong about you Evans. You're not what I thought you were, and I don't want to ever have anything to do with you."

Lily was incredibly flustered by this time. She wanted to argue with him, shout at him, tell him that she did care and that she had noticed and that she was sorry and she did want to give him a chance, but he was worked so far past any point of comprehension that he could not stop himself. He had gained such momentum that Lily had never seen before; it wouldn't even be possible to stop if he had wanted to.

"I spent six years on you, Lily," he said, quieter now. "Six years. Do you know how long six years is? Well, it's a terribly long time, especially when you finally figure out that you've wasted that much time on something that's never going to happen. I've wasted six years of my life, six years wasted on you Evans, and there's nothing you can say for yourself. I just want you to know that this is my last year at Hogwarts, and I do not intend to waste it on you."

Lily's eyes were filling up with tears. James, who had lost all of his energy while putting the emotion into his tirade, looked years beyond his age in exhaustion. Lily bit her lip as his shoulders dipped. He seemed so old and weary.

"Please …" he whispered to her, "just leave me alone." James made his way up the staircase and Lily stood at the bottom, completely unable to think of anything to say. She winced when his door clicked shut softly, and slowly she collapsed on to the couch.

_How could I have possibly messed things up that badly?_

She wondered how long James had felt that way. Hundreds of thoughts were going through her head, and she had completely forgotten about what she had come to question him about in the first place. Lily fell asleep fitfully on the couch beside the fire and dreamt about being chased by red and green blobs.


	3. Fireside Conversations

The red and green blobs in Lily's dream in the second chapter stand for anger and envy.

And now, on with the next chapter, shall we?

* * *

"_Did you see that?"_

"_Yea, weird."_

"_I know. I wonder what happened."_

"_I heard they had a secret affair that went bad."_

"_I heard that he caught her with Sirius and he's mad at her now."_

"_No, that's not right. Otherwise he'd be mad at Sirius."_

"_Not if it was her fault."_

James was followed with these sort of whispers ever since he started ignoring Lily. Not that he was avoiding her; they had far too many classes together for that to even be possible, and it would be far too difficult and time consuming and just plain stupid for him to attempt that. So instead, he simply pretended she wasn't there.

Which, of course, had the whole school whispering.

Lily wasn't sure how to feel. On one end, she didn't have tens of jealous girls glaring at every move she made, and she didn't have James' annoying nagging following her everywhere. On the other hand, she really did fancy James by now, and he refused to talk to her or even look at her … and she didn't have James' annoying nagging following her everywhere. She sort of missed it, ironically.

"I'm really not sure what to tell you," Alice said after Lily had explained the fight through a series of whispers and note passing.

"Gee, thanks," Lily muttered dejectedly, slumping down in her chair and pretending to take a few notes on the goblin rebellion.

"Hey, James isn't even here today," Alice added curiously. Lily glanced around and sure enough, the chair that was usually occupied by James Potter was empty. Sirius and Remus, too, were missing in action.

_Well, missing in inaction, actually.

* * *

Sirius, James and Remus were in fact currently occupying a couch a story and a few classrooms away, a couch which happened to be in front of a fireplace in the middle of the Head common room. James sat in a chair, to be exact, while Sirius and Remus were snuggled into the couch. James ignored the fact that they were practically on top of one another, although there was an entire couch to stretch out upon. It wasn't exactly a secret between the three of them that the dogs fancied each other._

But James was so tired of talking about people fancying other people.

Unfortunately, he wasn't getting away from it today. Remus leaned forward seriously and inspected James' removed expression. He watched James pensively. Sirius was the one who went in for the kill.

"Okay, spill," he said to James, much like the girl counterpart of their age group might say to a best friend who had just returned from a much anticipated date.

James turned his head and slowly regained focus on his friends' faces. They both contained a mix between curiosity and concern. James sighed. The gossip couldn't even stay away from his closest friends.

"We had a row, and I'm not talking to her anymore. What's the big deal?"

Remus coughed. Sirius gaped. "Prongs, I thought what you said about giving up on her, you know, what you said this summer … I thought you were just kidding."

James shook his head. "I laid it on the line. I told her that I didn't intend to waste my last year following her around if there was no point in it."

Remus, of course, had been filled in on this discussion as soon as James and Sirius had had it over the summer, so he was well aware of what was going on. Still, he was surprised at James' nerve to go through with it, especially after the news he had just gotten. Sirius was more … shocked.

"So that's really the end of it then?" he asked, still rather taken aback and James' sudden resolve. He wondered if it had anything to do with recent events, and wondered why James would be so stupid to uproot his entire life on purpose.

It hurt James too much to answer with words, as if they were eternally condemning, so he gave a simple nod of his head.

Remus, who hadn't spoken for quite a while, looked directly at James. "I think," he said wearily, "that James might be right about this." Here James looked at Remus questioningly. "Well, I mean, I'm sorry pal but … you just don't look to have the energy to go about chasing her around all the time. And well, say, like always, she says no … I mean, that can't make things better. And say she says yes but decides to break up with you … that would only make things worse."

He waited for James' reaction.

"Yea, I think you're right Moony."

He was surprised. But he had known he was right. It was just good to have spoken agreement.

Sirius wasn't convinced. "I don't know, man. I mean, you can't just go disrupting your whole routine…"

"I didn't want to. Voldemort did that for me," James said bitterly. Sirius winced, not at the name, but at the reference to the occasion.

"I'm sorry James." Remus could tell how things were going to happen already.

He nodded his head at the consoling words and stood up. "I think I'm going to sleep for a while," he said. "You guys can stay here if you want."

Sirius and Remus exchanged a glance as James disappeared into his dorm moments later. The latter sighed. The former frowned deeply.

"I don't know what to do. I mean, I was almost as close to them as he was and I just don't even know if there's anything I can say." Sirius sighed.

"I don't think there's much you _can _do," Remus replied. He leaned over and swept a lock of Sirius' hair behind his ear; Sirius looked up sadly and met Remus' brown-eyed gaze. They exchanged a soft kiss and Remus pulled Sirius into a tight hug while Sirius sniffled a little. "It'll be alright," he murmured against Sirius' neck. Sirius nodded, and then stood up, taking Remus by the hand.

"Come on, we've already missed most of History of Magic … we might as well make it to Potions, at least."

Remus nodded and followed Sirius quietly out of the room.

* * *

Lily had been successfully ignored for over a month. It was now the first Friday of November, and Lily was quite sure that James was in serious danger. He missed about half of his classes, and showed up for less than that amount of Prefect meetings. Lily was feeling extremely stressed under Newt pressure, Head Girl duties, and the enormous piles of homework she constantly received, and she still found time to worry about James.

Lily was slowly making her way to the Head dormitory, lugging a huge stack of books and fully intending to do some homework, but she couldn't stop her mind from straying back to thoughts of James. The last time she had seen him was … well, yesterday of course but the last time she had seen him in class was Wednesday. He had come to Charms, fallen asleep on his homework and drooled all over it, causing it to be illegible and worth nothing. Lily had been assigned the spot next to him in Charms this year, because he had to pass or else he wouldn't graduate, and James was horrible at Charms whereas Lily was the best in their year.

While James slept, Lily scribbled down a quick (but perfect, as we know our Lily) essay. James woke up about ten minutes before the bell was going to ring and glanced over at Lily unconsciously. She noticed how pale and disheveled he looked. She wondered when was the last time he had changed his socks, if he had washed his face this morning, if he had eaten anything in the last week, how he possibly had enough energy to be the Quidditch Captain, let alone do the extreme workouts that the Quidditch players always performed.

James blinked, still half-asleep and unaware that he had made a resolve to ignore her. He wondered why she was looking at him so pityingly, as if he was one of those ghosts that didn't realize he was dead and went about his routine pathetically, even though his life was already gone. Lily reached out and straightened James' glasses, giving him a weak smile. She pointed to his essay, now ruined, then pushed the new one at him. James recognized the handwriting of Lily Evans. He blinked again, confused, and looked up at her. She smiled painfully, trying not to take in his slightly sunken cheeks and bloodshot eyes.

'Thanks,' he mouthed. He printed his name at the top of the paper as neatly as he could, crumpled his original paper into a ball, and prodded it with his wand, setting it on fire instantly. Lily gave a slight gasp.

"What's going on here?" Professor Flitwick squeaked from behind the desk. He had apparently been walking about the classroom. "Miss Evans, you're supposed to be helping him with the disposal charm."

"I – er – sorry professor. You know he's not all that great at Charms." Lily shot an apologetic smile at James. "We'll keep trying."

"Good, good," he grinned, and ambled off to make sure Peter was not blowing anything up.

Lily looked back at James. He was scanning the essay to see what it was that he was supposed to be learning. She sighed. She wanted so badly to ask what was wrong, but the last time she had tried that had not worked out well for them at all. She wondered what could possibly be so bad that it had kept James Potter down for two months. She had never known anything to keep him or his friends in the dumps for more than a day or two.

Just when Lily thought she might be able to get away with asking James a simple question, like "how are you doing?" or "can I help you with anything?" the bell rang. James jumped up and crammed his things into his bag. He gave Lily a quick thanks over his shoulder and handed Flitwick the paper on his way out the door.

Lily glanced to her left and caught Sirius watching her carefully. She gave him a questioning raise of an eyebrow, and he gave her a half-scowl. She decided it would be best to get to her next class. She was pretty sure, now, that she wouldn't be seeing James in it.

Lily was quite right in guessing that she wouldn't see James for the rest of the day. Well, she saw him at lunch – poking at a few potatoes but not really eating anything. She thought she saw him have a piece of toast. Maybe even two. Hey, the kid had to have some sustenance. It wasn't that she believed he wasn't eating at all … she just wasn't sure when or how much he had had lately. Nevertheless, she was glad that he was eating something.

Alice and Katie were conversing about the upcoming Quidditch match. Katie happened to be the Keeper.

"How's James doing?" Lily asked suddenly, tearing her eyes from the grave-looking Marauders to fix them on her friend.

"Umm, what do you mean?" she asked, peeling an orange. Lily was a health nut. She had sort of forced them to eat healthily back in their third year, under penalty of a rather nasty hex.

"What do you mean, 'what do I mean'? I mean what I mean." The two girls stared at Lily, perplexed. "Sorry," she added. "I guess I just don't understand how he can handle the physical exertion when he's … not eating anything."

Katie's mouth formed an 'O' and Alice grinned. Of course Lily would be the one to ask how something could work if it didn't seem to be able to be physically or healthily possible.

"Well, I suppose he's pretty tired after the practices. But we all are, so I guess I never really noticed." She shrugged and popped a slice of orange into her mouth.

Lily wondered how someone could not notice obvious exhaustion when it was practically jumping up and down on them, beating their head with a broomstick.

Lily didn't see any more of James after lunch. He was missing from DA, which was really no surprise. The teacher was quite fond of him and seemed to pity James for whatever was going on in his life. And James was so naturally talented in Transfiguration and DA that he really didn't need to take them other than for the reason that he needed the marks to pass, not just the skill.

She hadn't expected to see him at dinner, and therefore wasn't surprised when she didn't. She was somewhat taken aback at the way the other three Marauders were joking and seemed to be enjoying themselves, though she supposed that it wouldn't be right for James to drag them all down with him.

* * *

She hadn't seen him at all on Thursday, and so far not yet today, either. Classes were over for the day, but seeing that she was going to the Head dorms, she figured she might catch him there. She blinked and realized that she was already standing outside the doors to the Head Boy and Girl rooms. She wondered how long she had been standing there, thinking about James. She decided it really didn't matter; it was already six o'clock and she couldn't turn back time … and she really needed to get some work done. She pushed the door open and found James asleep on the couch in front of the fire.

Setting her backpack and the pile of books down on the coffee table, she sat down next to James' sprawled out form. Even in sleep, he looked slightly troubled. His brow was just barely furrowed, his eyebrows slightly pulled together, and his nose scrunched up. Lily cupped his cheek so softly that she was barely touching him. Suddenly, his hand shot out and grabbed the one that wasn't on his face.

"Don't go. Don't leave me. No! Stay. Please!" he whispered frantically. He continued mumbling in his sleep, but Lily could no longer understand him. Her heart clenched painfully as she pulled her hand out of his grasp, causing him to twitch and frown deeper. Lily ran a hand through his hair and wished there was something she could do to help him. However, at the moment, it hurt too much to watch him like this. She quietly picked up her things and headed to the Gryffindor common room, hoping to get a little study time in with Alice and Katie.

Lily spent the evening in her favorite old chair by the fire, peacefully doing her homework without having to worry about James. She helped Alice with her Potions essay and the three of them studied for the upcoming test in Transfiguration. Before Lily knew it, she was alone in the common room and it was well past her usual bedtime. She got up and stretched, about to gather her things up, when she realized that she was indeed _not_ alone after all.

Sirius was sitting in a chair by the door, watching her with narrowed eyes.

Lily crossed her arms. "Okay Black, what is your problem? You've been watching me for like, three days now, and it's starting to get creepy."

Sirius folded his arms across his chest and scowled at her.

"What gives?" she repeated. She was really trying rather hard not to get annoyed.

"Listen, Lily, I know about that fight you and James had."

Lily frowned. That was, like, months ago. "So does the rest of the school." He didn't seem phased in the slightest. "What's your point?"

"My point, is that I know what you're trying to do with James."

"What do you mean, 'what I'm trying to do with James'? What am I trying to do with him?"

Sirius glared at her, not willing to believe her confusion. "You're taking advantage of his downtime. I happen to know you like him quite a bit, and you think you can just come in and pick him up when he's down."

Lily grimaced. "I am not!" she whispered harshly, trying not to wake up the whole dorm. "But you don't seem to be doing a very good job either!"

Sirius stood up angrily and marched over to Lily. "I happen to be doing a much better job than you are, for your information." Lily narrowed her eyes threateningly. "He doesn't need your shit. He's already got a pretty fucked up life, and he doesn't need you to screw it up even more. All you're doing is hurting him. You have no idea how fucking brave he is … and he's trying so hard to get over you and you just keep showing up and flaunting yourself in his face. He can't handle that right now. So just stop it, okay?" Sirius' face was slightly flushed and he was breathing somewhat heavily.

Lily stared at him with wide eyes. "I didn't realize …"

"Yea," he spat, then said more calmly, "His parents were murdered, and not like it's bad enough that he hates the first day back anyway, but then he had to find out on the first day of school. It wasn't great. And they were the only ones he had. So … look. Just, please, stop messing with him, okay? He's going through some really rough times and … he doesn't need you to hurt him even more."

"I wasn't trying –"

"Lily, just … drop it, okay."

"Yea …"

"Lily, if I find out you've hurt him, I'm never going to forgive you." He gave her such a meaningful look that she could have almost cried. His look was so worried, so scared, so serious, so caring that she couldn't understand why she had ever questioned what his friendship with James was based on, if not pranks and catching girls.

It occurred to her that some guys could be much more sensitive than they ever let on.


	4. Midnight Marauders

I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. Blah blah blah, stuff like that. No need to waste time!

Later on in this chapter, I make a reference to the Minister of Magic. Currently I am too tired to look up who it might have been, so I'm pretending it was Fudge.

**PS - **no more scary slash. This chapter is safe.

* * *

James attended Transfiguration for the first time in two weeks, and the day he decided to go back, a messenger came to class with a letter for him. 

The class filed in, and McGonagall started up with her usual half-hour lecture before she gave them all partners and let them all get to work. Lily was, of course, paired with James, because she was absolutely wretched at Transfiguration and James was, of course, the best. It was about as close of a completely opposite situation as their Charms situation as opposite could get.

Lily fought silently with herself. A part of her wanted to tell James that she liked him and she wanted to be there for him, and the other part of her watched Sirius watching her carefully and wanted to obey his orders. But the biggest part of her wanted to pass the class, so she complied with McGonagall's pairing system, trying all the while to obey Sirius' orders of "don't get too close to him, or I'll bite your fingers off" and attempting to obey her urge to try to help him out.

No one noticed when the messenger came into the room and handed McGonagall the note. She opened it and read it silently. As soon as she finished, her grey eyes flicked up to James Potter, who was trying half-heartedly to help Lily learn the spell. She knew he was already distracted enough by his parents' deaths, and she could tell that he wasn't getting by very well. Hell, everyone could tell that he wasn't getting by very well. At all. Her eyes flicked back down to the letter. She shouldn't have read it, because now she was going to feel incredibly guilty putting such an immense burden on him by giving it to him. But it wasn't her place to keep the letter from him.

"Black!" she shouted. Sirius looked up, confused. For once, he hadn't done anything. "Front of the room, now please." The rest of the class giggled, then went back to work.

Sirius trudged up to her desk. "I didn't do it," he said immediately, holding out his hands, palms up. "Honestly."

She sighed and looked at him gravely. Her expression was so fully of compassion that he was slightly in awe and slightly very disturbed. "I know you didn't. And I know I shouldn't do this. It's against regulation. Technically this doesn't belong to you but … you were just as close to them and … well, I don't think James will readily talk about it, so I think you should see it first."

Sirius blanched at the mention of James. He took the parchment she was holding out to him and read it once, then again, slowly. His face was so white that Minerva had felt grief letting even Sirius read it. It seemed to take forever for Sirius to look up and meet her eyes. When he did, he wasn't even sure what to say. His immediate reaction was that James was going to kill himself. He was almost entirely sure of it.

"Who's going to give it to him?" Sirius asked feebly. He had never felt weaker in his entire life.

"I don't know. You're like a brother to him, I thought you would have a suggestion."

Sirius folded up the paper and stuffed it in his back pocket. Minerva nodded resolutely and Sirius set his lips in a firm, determined line much like the one Professor McGonagall wore on most days.

Sirius waited until the class was over; waited for everyone to file out, nodded to Minerva and watched her disappear into her office, all while holding James back. He suggested they go up to the Head dorms, and James really had no reason to object. Once there, he made James sit down and conjured up a cup of tea. He then carefully slipped his hand into his back pocket and produced the letter. He sat down on the couch next to James, preparing for the worst.

_Dear James Potter – _

_We at the Ministry of Magic are terribly sorry to inform you that early this morning, the Dark Mark was discovered over the houses of your remaining relatives. There were unfortunately no survivors._

_Their belongings and savings are being sent to your vault at Gringotts today._

_Please remain strong. We are doing everything we can here at the Ministry to stop the Dark Lord._

_Sincerely,_

_Cornelius Fudge_

_Minister of Magic_

Sirius thought James would faint. He was white. So white. Almost translucent. Sirius wondered if maybe he shouldn't have given him the letter.

James sat on the couch for a long time, staring into the fire, his face completely expressionless. Sirius moved over and pulled James into a tight embrace, and James buried his face in Sirius' neck, trying desperately not to cry. He couldn't – not now. He was still in shock, but Sirius was determined to be there for him.

* * *

It was easily half past eleven when the Gryffindor common room finally cleared out, save for Sirius and Remus, who had been occupying chairs opposite each other in front of the fire. When everyone had left, they joined on the couch and their hands found each other's, their fingers intertwined. Sirius looked lovingly at Remus, but Remus only returned the expression for a moment, and then it changed to his 'let's get down to business' look. 

Sirius sighed. Because he really had no idea how to express his feelings. Remus was always the easiest person to talk to, next to James, but he didn't even know where to start. Luckily, Remus was there for the both of them, and he was a very intelligent and insightful person. Remus knew and understood that however close he might be to James, and however much they cared about each other and protected one another, he wasn't going to be the one who was able to fix James. That was going to be up to Sirius and Lily. Because he knew that, despite what he had told James earlier, eventually Lily needed to come back into the picture.

"Well, you know James … he's strong … but, well, we've never seen him take a fall like this before."

Sirius nodded. He had already told Remus about the letter.

"He needs someone to lean on, and he knows that he's got that in the both of us, especially you…" Sirius nodded again. Remus continued. "But you know … it can't always be you. You can't be the only one that cares."

"I know." Sirius was … what? Hurt? Exhausted? Worried? All of them? Yes.

"But I think for now, it needs to be you." Remus tried to keep the pain out of his voice.

"I know," Sirius replied, and this time he met Remus' eyes. Sirius knew that Remus didn't want to give him up, but for James he was willing to. Nevertheless, Remus' expression was full of anguish and hurt.

Sirius brought up his empty hand to cup Remus' face. Remus closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. He breathed in the scent of fresh air, mahogany, and Sirius' cologne – the smells of Quidditch always lingered on Sirius' skin, something that Remus delighted in. He pressed his lips eagerly against Sirius' and enjoyed the lingering kiss. When they pulled apart, he looked up at Sirius painfully through his lashes. Sirius kissed him on the nose sadly.

"We've been through so much together," he whispered. "He's helped me get through so much. It wouldn't be fair for me not to do the same. It wouldn't be right.…"

"I know," Remus replied, "I know. Just … don't leave me now?"

"No," he whispered, kissing the sandy-haired boy under the chin. "Not now. Not ever."

"Except …"

"Tomorrow. Just one night. I promise."

"Okay," Remus muttered hoarsely. A lump was forming in his throat, and it didn't help that Sirius was sucking lightly on his neck….

* * *

_(la ... no more slash. etc.)_

James spent the entire day in his room. Sirius, Remus, and the staff were the only ones that knew why, and none of them blamed him. The day dragged by slowly for the Marauder pups, each of them aware of what was going to happen, half dreading it and half anticipating it with quivering hope.

At eleven, when only a few people were left in the common room, Sirius and Remus left through the portrait hole. Remus walked with Sirius about halfway to the Head dorms, helping him find a path clear of teachers under the invisibility cloak. At long last, Sirius turned to Remus and gave him a completely helpless but hopeful smile. They exchanged a soft kiss, and then Sirius bid Remus good night and stealthily made his way to James' dorm.

He knocked on the door softly once, then entered without waiting to be told to go away. James sat in his windowsill looking out over the lake. It was a calm night and the moon was almost full. Sirius winced and erased Remus from his mind. Tonight was about James, and what James needed was something to take his mind away from the pain, if just for a little while.

Sirius examined his best friend; moonlight was spilling over his bare torso, and he had his legs pulled up close to his chest. He didn't shiver, even though it was mid November. Sirius thought that if this was a normal situation, anyone who didn't think that James was incredibly handsome was indeed insane. He quietly approached his friend and placed a hand on his shoulder. His hand was warm on James' frozen skin.

James looked up at his best friend; he knew that Sirius had come for, and secretly, he was glad for it.

Sirius slowly dropped his shirt to the ground and joined James in his cold suffering on the window. What James suffered, Sirius was determined to suffer with him. Even in the most terrible of situations, the two broad, bare torso's of toned and tanned muscles looked indescribably beautiful so close together, bathed in the winter moonlight and shivering slightly.

"Sirius?" James breathed desperately, a puff of air visible before them.

"James…"

A slight shimmer caught Sirius' eye. James was concealing something in his left hand; Sirius thought it suspiciously resembled a razorblade.

He gently laid his hand on James' leg, holding out the other hand expectantly. A best friend peered at Sirius through heavy lids and painful guilt.

"Prongs … James … my Jamesie … you don't want to do that … _really_."

James sat adamantly still.

"It's not a request, James, it's the truth … and you know it."

Silence. James averted his eyes; Sirius' stare was drilling into his soul.

It hurt.

"You know," Sirius started quietly, "when I came to school here, I never thought I'd make friends with anyone, least of all someone worth knowing …" James was fidgeting, but his ears were open. "It was a bit of a surprise, the way you treated me … I suppose you think it's all great that I live with you now … er, well, did …" James was definitely listening. "I mean, I really don't need to thank you again … and I know you know it means a lot to me but, well … you've helped me get through a lot in the past seven years and … I don't want to lose the chance of doing the same for you … and I rather like having a friend worth knowing …"

Somehow, Sirius thought that James looked oddly relieved. He carefully deposited the razor in Sirius' hand. Sirius chucked it as far as possible. James seemed satisfied.

A long silence settled upon them, like death, evident and hovering. James felt as if he should say something.

"It's not just about getting away from the pain, you know …" Sirius didn't understand how that worked. "Well, I mean, it is but … not always. Sometimes I want to think about them … I want to remember them … but, I just keep imagining them scared and helpless … I can see their faces. I just … I wish they could have died differently, if they had to. All of them were such amazing people …"

"They really were, James … you should be glad you're one of them."

James looked sorrowfully at Sirius. "Are you up for some Firewhiskey?" Sirius considered it. He really did.

"Do you have a secret stash or something?"

"Perhaps …"

"I don't know James … we have a Quidditch match coming up. I don't want to be the one responsible for our defeat, and as Captain, you shouldn't be either …"

"You're being insufferably attentive to the rules tonight."

Sirius was quiet for a moment. Then an entirely evil grin snaked across his face in the shadows. "How about if we pay a visit to a certain greasy prat?"

"Aha, Snivellus. Alright, done."

* * *

After a few hours, much plotting, evil cackling, tiptoeing to the Slytherin dorms, dousing the aforementioned Slytherin in long-lasting cooking oil and charming heart-shaped cutouts (James' doing) of Snape's mother (found under his pillow by Sirius) to follow him around for the following day, James and Sirius managed to make their way back to the Head's dorms quietly … and burst out laughing as soon as the door was closed. 

They spent the rest of the evening over a bottle of Firewhiskey anyway and finally collapsed on to James' king size (thus a safe size for two un-interested teenage boys to share).

"Sirius," James muttered, sleep clinging to his words.

"Shhhhh." Sirius leaned over and kissed James's forehead softly,watching with a tired but satisfied smile as James fell asleep, completely exhausted but with a faint smile spread across his lips.

Sirius followed suit shortly afterward.


	5. Changing Minds

Alright! Ready for chapter five?

* * *

Silky maroon sheets wrapped around Sirius and held him still while consciousness slowly gained on him. After a few moments of lying quietly, he gathered the will to open his eyes. 

It was early yet; the sun hadn't reached its fingers into the room, and the chilly breath of coming winter left a nip in the dark air. The room was bathed in blue shadow, and Sirius distinctly felt as though he was under water. The cracked leaves danced across the ground, slightly elevated, like ghosts with leaps still to make. The brittle creaking of tired branches lingered just out of reach.

Sirius slung his legs over the side of the bed, regretfully leaving his safe den of blankets to join James on the windowsill, who had been watching the world carefully waking before him. Shivering slightly, Sirius rubbed his bare arms and glanced at James. His face was entirely illegible to Sirius, something that rarely happened and caused a feeling of unease to snuggle tightly into the bottom curve of his stomach.

James' face was as blank and open as a diary, yet it held an endless amount of nothing. However, his eyes betrayed his raging emotions; anger, sadness, fear, despair, guilt, hatred, confusion, hurt. He looked over and caught Sirius' gaze, and the two stared deeply into the other's soul until James felt that Sirius couldn't handle all of his raw emotion, and turned to watch the sky.

The mountains in the distance were lavender with tips of white, obscured by low clouds that seemed to be hanging on to the heavens desperately. Through the blue mists, a tint of pink gleamed feebly between the hills. Sirius felt like James was that sun, hiding behind something and peeking out cautiously, in fear of the world.

They sat quite still, having gotten used to the cool morning, silently watching the world flip its pages and listening to the early sounds of emerging life. Sirius waited patiently; as James was the sun, he was going to have to come out eventually, and coaxing wouldn't help much.

He sighed and glanced over at Sirius, who had been watching a mother bird doing a last cleaning of her nest. The boy next to him embodied all that James saw as life, love, perfection, and there he was sitting bare-chested in winter's window, waiting for James to confide in him like he had always done. He felt suddenly overshadowed by his friend's huge capacity of compassion and kindness. He sighed again.

"I miss them so much …" he whispered, so lightly that Sirius might have thought it was a breeze wrapping around him and telling him the secret of someone far away.

"It's not fair," he continued. He was trying to be calm and steady. "Not that life is fair, but still … why did it have to be them? All of them … one wasn't good enough, no … why not just wipe the name Potter right off the map. I –" he choked on his words a little, but swallowed and tried again. "I hate it. I hate him. I hate everything about him … his greed. Yea, that's what it is … greed."

Sirius nodded. James needed this, and that's what he was here for. What he'd always be here for.

"I. hate. him." James muttered through clenched teeth. "He had to take all of them! Why didn't anyone tip them off? How come he can get away with so much; so much murder, so much torture, so much evil! Why doesn't anyone try to be a step ahead of him, instead of just cleaning up his mess? Why doesn't someone _do something?_"

James bit back a sob, and Sirius took his hand and gave it a tight squeeze. James nodded and swallowed. The waves of thought crashed on the front of his mind relentlessly.

"I just … I wish there was something I could do … but it's too late. I – I should have been there for them … I had only just left … I would have fought him! I would have done everything I could to save them! But instead I was here, stuffing my face full of food … I could have been there … I could have done something … I _should_ have …"

Sirius gave James' hand another squeeze. "There's nothing you could have done, Prongs, James … nothing. I mean … he's too powerful …"

James hung his head. "But I could have tried … I could have tried to do something, and I would have died for the right reason …"

Sirius couldn't reply. He didn't want to. Sometimes James was too noble for words.

"I – It's just … none of it feels real … I mean, I keep thinking about going home for the holidays, and then I remember that I don't have a home to go to, and if there was anything left of it, no one would be there … but I can't make myself believe it…. I sit around thinking about all the memories and I just get lost … and it's so hard to think that I'll never have any new ones … I won't get to see my little cousin's grow up, I won't get to hear my grandpa's war stories, I won't get to have my aunt's amazing cooking anymore …"

He laughed bitterly.

"You know, there's a war going on and people are dying … my whole family is dead … and all I can think about is my aunt's cooking? You see what I mean? It just seems like … like it all happened in a series of bad dreams … that I might be able to go home and hug my parents and tell them I love them and I'm grateful for everything they did for me … but I can't. And I hate it …"

Sirius stroked James' hair.

"I feel so stupid … I keep thinking about Lily … I mean, I can't figure her out … I don't understand girls at all, but she's the epitome of confusion … and then I think about everything happening outside Hogwarts and I feel so dumb for thinking about Evans and how I might still …"

Sirius looked at James gravely. "She's still on your mind … ?"

James shrugged and bit his lip. "Well, I mean … I know I said I didn't want anything to do with her … and I mean, maybe that _is_ for the best, Remus even said so … but even so, I can't get her off my mind … I mean, I just can't give her up, especially after what she said … and … well I really would like to be with her but …" his voice cracked, and he paused for a long time, looking out at the naked branches shaking in the slight breeze. "…. I couldn't forgive myself if I lost her … I just know he'd come after us eventually … and … I – I want to protect her, I do … but if I failed … I – I couldn't handle it … I just couldn't … I –"

"I know," Sirius says. James is startled but relieved to hear his friend speak.

"Sirius … I don't know how to thank you … I – you've been the best friend a person could have …"

Sirius held up his hand with a smile, and James quieted. "It's okay. You don't have to say anything. You'd have done the same for me … and you have before …" James smiled. "So … class sounds like a rather ridiculous idea … and you've got a Quidditch match coming up so … how about a ride?"

James lit up and opened his mouth to thank Sirius again, but Sirius stood up and laughed, and James didn't need to say anything else.

* * *

Breakfast was the usual, except that, Lily noticed, James was attending – and looking slightly healthier. That is to say, he seemed to be more rested, and a considerable amount of his grief had been chiseled off of his face. Behind a weak mask, some of his original beauty shined through, and Lily was glad for whatever had happened to make that possible. She wondered hopefully if she would see him in class. 

"Lily!" Alice whispered. Katie giggled. "Stop staring!"

Lily shook her head and looked at the two of them. Katie looked from Lily to James and back to Lily and winked. Lily scowled.

"I was not staring."

"Were too."

"She's right, you know."

"Oh stop it," Lily muttered, stabbing her waffle with the fork she found in her hand.

"Hey Lily?" Katie leaned in curiously. "How come Sirius has been watching you so much lately?"

Alice glanced over at the mentioned Marauder, who averted his gaze when he found the two girls watching him curiously and the third one blushing slightly.

"So what's the deal?" Katie asked, when she finally gained the willpower to tear her eyes from the gorgeous Marauder.

"Er … well, he told me to stay away from James … so he's kind of been … watching me … to make sure I don't do anything, I guess."

"Well that's …"

"Stupid," Alice said. Clearly she was still fond of the James-Lily babies and Godmother idea.

"Well … I mean, he's going through some tough times so Sirius was just being protective. He thinks I'm going to hurt James …"

"Why would you do that?" Katie asked incredulously.

"I wouldn't … but Sirius seems to think it's dangerous."

"Well that's … sweet, I guess."

Alice snorted.

"Well … I think I'm going to go to the library for a while," Lily said, leaving her plate almost entirely untouched.

Katie choked on her sausage. "You're studying _before_ school has even started today?"

Alice patted Katie on the back and smiled. "That's our Lily. Responsible yet a little crazy Head Girl."

Katie shook her head in disbelief as Lily gathered her bag and disappeared through the doors. They didn't notice Sirius following her.

* * *

Lily spread her books out on the table and after a quick decision, picked up _Advanced Charms_. She would get through that quickly, and then move on to the harder stuff. She had just touched her quill to the measured parchment when the chair next to her was pulled out, and Sirius Black plopped himself into it. 

Lily wrote down her first sentence, then stopped and gave him a questioning look. Sirius seemed to be analyzing her.

"Well? Speak."

"It's about James."

"Of course it is. What else would it be?"

"Anything, I suppose. I haven't been called the King of Randomness for nothing, you know."

"What are you here for?" she asked calmly. She was just barely irritated that he had interrupted the flow of her train of thought.

"I already told you." He received a scorching 'ahem' look from Lily. "Alright, alright. I want to talk to you about James …"

"Yes …?"

"Well, I did him a favor last night but … I really think he needs something a little more …"

"…?"

"Permanent."

"What do you mean Black?"

"I mean … I mean that he and I are like brothers, you see? So I love the guy, to a certain extent … but that's not really what he needs. I mean, yea it is, it really is … but he needs something more."

"What are you saying?"

"Well … I mean, the rest of his entire family was murdered a few days ago –"

Lily clapped her hand to her mouth.

"Yea … so I mean, I'm the only family he's got. So yea, he needs me … but he needs someone else who can be strong for him. He needs someone to love him like … well, a lover …"

"And you're choosing me?"

"Well … yea, actually."

"Would you mind telling me why?"

"Come on, Evans. … Lily … I mean, he's been in love with you for years. He's been chasing you around the castle for even longer … it's not like he's going to forget about you just because he told you he wanted to …"

Lily's heart beat painfully against her ribs. She wasn't sure of what she was hearing. Hence: "Er … could you repeat that?"

Sirius gave her a look that plainly said 'you-heard-me, don't-be-so-shocked.' "Listen … I know it's kind of … against what I said before but … I really think he needs you."

"But … why me?"

"Because, Lily, you're something special to him. You're not easy like all the other girls. You're not shallow or stupid, no offense to them, and you won't give in easily to his rash actions when he doesn't mean them. You're stronger than a lot of people, and he needs someone to be strong for him other than me."

Lily would have asked Sirius if someone had taken over his body if she hadn't recently discovered just how understanding and deep he could be.

"Lily … you're the only girl who doesn't care about his looks or his fame … but you care about him as a person and … right now, he really needs that."

"Okay," she said determinedly. "I will try."

"Good." Sirius stood up and pushed his chair in. He started to walk away, then turned around once more. "And Lily?"

"Yes Sirius?"

"Thanks."

* * *

On the first day of December, it snowed 18 inches. Lily watched a large group of boys from different houses having a rather complicated snowball war. She smiled sweetly, but it turned into a frown as she spotted James under a tree down by the lake. He hadn't joined in the fun. 

He looked inescapably alone.

Lily sighed. She was trying to take Sirius' advice, but she had no idea how to start.

'I mean, I can't just march up to him and be like "I heard about your family. I'm sorry. Want to snog me?"'

Lily shook her head in horror at the idea. She watched the snowball fight progress and then start to die as people came back into the castle, no doubt to warm up. Lily shivered just thinking about it. She was one of those people that gets cold very easily. She looked over at James again. He was still under that stupid tree.

There were only a few snowballs flying half-heartedly across the edges of her vision.

She heard a tapping on the window, and noticed her beautiful silver owl Artemis fluttering there with a letter tied to her leg. Lily quickly put her books down and pulled her out of the chilly wind.

Lily opened the letter quietly, and stared with shock as she read the same letter that James had received a week or so ago. When she finished, the parchment fell to the floor near the fire, the edge catching fire, and was soon no more than a small heap of black ashes. Lily wondered if that's how simply and quickly her family had been murdered. She stared into the fire with angry tears streaming down her face.

She had no memory of ever feeling this empty; as though someone had built a drain in her heart just so that they could pull the plug and watch everything flow out. She immediately thought of James, and all of the other people who had lost family members to Voldemort.

She wondered vaguely, through her blinding tears, how many other people had received identical letters, how many distant and in no way comforting words of sorrow that their friends gave them, how many times they had to hear a totally meaningless "I'm sorry for your loss," when they knew that the person saying those words was greedily grateful that they still had all of their family members alive and safe.

Lily hated that her parents were dead.

She hated Petunia for being alive.

She hated Vernon for taking her on that stupid ski trip.

She hated those unaffected by the war.

She hated those causing the war the most.


	6. The Male Dilemma

We all know that Harry has no family, so that means that James and Lily's families all had to have died at some time. So I'm only dictating when.

Enjoy the show.

* * *

The Christmas holidays were upon Hogwarts, and students were not paying attention in their last classes before the break, as usual. Lily was among them. As was James.

It was quite the predicament. Both were without a family; without a place to go back to; without anyone really able to comfort them; and they were both zoning in Transfiguration, as they had been during the entire class.

Most people had their wands out and were practicing turning each other into animals of choice. Lily was hunched over the table, scribbling in the margins of her textbook. James was leaning back, casually throwing a crumpled ball of paper in the air and catching it as it came back down. Both were distracted. Neither noticed the professor watching them for several minutes before approaching them.

"Miss Evans, Mister Potter."

Lily's quill screeched to a halt and she glanced up. James' hand froze in midair and the ball of paper bounced off of his head and rolled across the floor. They stared at her questioningly.

"Mr. Potter, I'm sorry to inform you, as it seems you are perhaps unaware of the fact, that you are failing Advanced Charms."

Lily wasn't surprised.

"And you, Miss Evans." Lily blanched. "You have always been weak in Transfiguration…" cue a twitching Lily, "but I never expected you to be failing my course."

James was surprised.

"This is completely unacceptable. I understand that you have both had terrible losses this year," cue James glancing at Lily questionably, "but failing a course of any kind will not be tolerated. For your future careers as well as your Head Boy and Girl status, you will later thank me for this."

They stared at her. She looked back and forth at them. Was it that hard to understand?

"I'm putting you two in a study hall together. Three hours a day, except weekends; starting tomorrow."

Lily was searching for her voice. James had already found his.

"But it's Christmas break!" he said indignantly.

"And that gives you plenty of time to take advantage of the study time without having other homework to do. I expect you both to pass your classes with high marks."

Lily and James glared. Professor McGonagall set her mouth in a very thin line.

"Don't disappoint me."

* * *

"Don't disappoint me," Lily muttered.

James twirled his quill between his fingers.

The classroom was cold. Lily moved from the desk near the window to the desk closest to the door.

Right next to James.

They glanced at each other and quickly looked away when they were caught. Professor Binns was floating by the chalkboard, occasionally doing his job and surveying them, though rather sleepily.

"So …" Lily blushed.

"So." James looked over at her and grinned at her matching cheeks and hair. "You're blushing, Evans."

Lily glared at him as she felt her cheeks deepen another shade. "So?"

"So?" James shrugged.

Lily looked murderous. Then she laughed. A shocked James fell out of his chair. She laughed harder.

"Evans, have you gone insane?"

Lily laughed. Again. "This is incredibly ridiculous."

James raised an eyebrow.

Lily stopped laughing, but she continued to attack James with a quirky grin.

"Evans?"

"Hmm?" She was bent over her homework now, trying to understand the Advanced Transfiguration. She didn't think she would ever understand it. She smiled at the animated doodle in the margin.

"Umm …" he started timidly. "What did McGonagall mean … about your … loss … ?"

Lily was taken aback by his question. She wasn't sure that she wanted to talk about it. She was still trying to come to terms with everything.

But a familiar voice in the back of her said, _"Be strong for him, Lily. Be strong for James."_

She swallowed and met his curious eyes. She sat up straight and pushed everything out of her way, out of her mind. Then she sighed. "My family … was murdered. By Voldemort."

James was entirely unsure of how to react.

"Well, except my sister. She was … away." Lily snorted. "I mean, they were muggles, so I guess it shouldn't really be a surprised … but –" she bit back a wave of tears. "Petunia … that's my sister – she's a muggle too, and she's wretched - … she blames me for their deaths. It's all rather … stupid … I mean, it can't really be my fault, right? I mean, he couldn't have known they were my family. He probably doesn't even know who I am, right? He doesn't even know I exist, right?"

Lily was rambling. James didn't know what to do. So he pulled her into a tight hug.

"Lily?" he said quietly when he let her go.

She sniffed. "Hmm?"

"Do you … want to spend Christmas with me and Sirius and Remus? We're just staying here at Hogwarts but I thought maybe –" He looked into her teary eyes hopefully.

"Sure, James …" she saw his concern. "Yea … I think I would like that."

* * *

During the Christmas holidays at Hogwarts, Christmas Eve was the party and Christmas day was the time to relax. A lot of homeless teenagers were spending their holiday at Hogwarts this year, except, it seemed, the Slytherins. None of them seemed to have lost family, so they were all at home. The rest of the school was quite honestly glad to be rid of them.

Peter had disappeared some time ago. His parents, in fear – they said, had pulled him out of school in November and had gone into hiding. Peter had told them that he should be back for the last few months of school. The rest of the Marauders spent the eve of Christmas in the Head common room, away from the Gryffindor party.

However, they had a nice supply of butterbeer and various other snacks and delicacies that the house elves had made for them. Sirius was quite pleased with the fact that they had Hogwarts' house elves doting on them at all times, but Remus pointed out that the house elves doted on everyone.

Sirius ignored him.

"So, Jamesie, any plans for this mistletoe I have right here conveniently in my hand?" Sirius asked, dangling the plant over his head.

James scoffed. "No," he pouted. "Oh, but I invited Lily to spend Christmas with us tomorrow, if you guys don't mind."

"Yes we mind!" Sirius shouted indignantly. "I mean, ewwwwwww, girl germs!"

They laughed. Sirius held the mistletoe over Remus' head. "How about you?" he added with a wink. Remus replied with a dirty smirk. The clump of mistletoe fell onto the ground as Sirius' hands were occupied with Remus' face.

"Oh come on guys, have some decency," James muttered, rolling his eyes. He had to admit, it was still a little weird seeing them together.

"Oh what, is Jamesie-poo disturbed by our affections?"

James raised his eyebrows and stuck out his tongue in disgust. "Jamesie-poo?"

Sirius shrugged. "King of Randomness," he pointed out. James nodded acknowledgement. Remus giggled. James snorted at hearing a guy giggle.

"Cheers, people!" Sirius shouted, dislodging himself from Remus' lap to hand out the bottles of butterbeer.

"It's not even midnight," Remus commented.

"So?"

"Cheers, then." James raised his glass. The other two followed suit.

"So what did you get Lily?" Remus asked James.

A loud smack echoed through the room as James' hand collided with his forehead. "Oh my gosh, I totally forgot!"

Sirius stared. "Oh, that's got to make her feel great. We'll all have presents for each other and she'll be sitting there with nothing."

"Well, it's not like you two got her anything!" James retorted stupidly.

"Yea, and we also didn't know she was coming."

"Good one Prongs." Remus shook his head.

"Ah! What am I going to do now?"

"Well, you could get her name tattooed on-"

"I think a card or something homemade would be a better idea," Remus cut Sirius off. "Girls like that kind of stuff."

"They like tattoos too you know …" Sirius added dejectedly.

"What about chocolate?" James asked, looking to Remus. "I could nip down to Honeydukes …"

"Won't she think you're calling her fat?" Sirius interjected. Remus gave him 'the look.'

"No, he's right …" James said. "Umm … perfume?"

"Yea, but then she'll think you think she smells bad."

Sigh.

"I could get her a gift card to a clothes store … girls like shopping, and clothes …"

"Victoria Secret!" Sirius winked.

"No … she'll think I don't like her clothes. What about just money? She can shop with that."

"No, money is a bad idea. It shows that you have no idea what to get her and she might think you feel bad for her about her parents or that you think she's poor."

Huge sigh.

"How the heck is a guy supposed to shop for a girl?" he agonized. "You can't even get them what they like!"

Sirius nodded knowingly. "I don't need to shop for Remus. He usually just –"

Remus coughed. _'What?'_ Sirius mouthed. James laughed.

"Really, guys, I don't know what to do." Sirius laughed at James' utterly defeated expression.

"Just … do something from the heart," Remus suggested. "She'll understand."

"Yea …"

After several more butterbeers, a lot of snacks, sharing good memories and elaborating their imaginary futures, Remus crashed on the couch. Sirius sat, half-asleep, watching James, who was sulking before the fire.

"Jamesie?"

"Hmm?"

"You know it's going to be okay, right?"

James looked at Sirius over his shoulder. He was draped over the couch, Remus' head in his lap, an almost empty bottle in his hand, and crumbs on his shirt. He still managed to look concerned through his sleep-lidded eyes.

James managed a weak smile.

"Yea, Padfoot, I know …" He leaned back in his chair, reaching over to rumple Sirius' hair.

A tired smile crept across Sirius' face. "Good. Because it's the truth, you know …"

James didn't reply, but his words would have fallen onto deaf ears anyway. Sirius' chin fell down onto his chest as he fell asleep.

"Yea …" James muttered. "It's all going to be okay…"

* * *

Around two in the morning, Lily was exhausted and ready for bed.

"Goodnight girls!" she called. Alice and Katie rushed over to her to give her hugs.

"'Night Lily," Alice said, rubbing her eyes. She would be going to be shortly, too.

"Sweet dreams, Lilykins," Katie said with a yawn. Lily smiled and made her way to her dorm tiredly. She shivered as she shuffled down the dark corridors. The snow falling outside was beautiful, but she couldn't wait to crawl into bed and snuggle under her covers.

When she entered the Head common room, she was greeted by a wave of thick, warm air. She closed the door quietly and thanked James (as she assumed it had been him) for putting a fire on. As she crept through the room, a soft glow fell over three teenage boys spread over the furniture. She smiled at Sirius and Remus … she had them pretty much figured out a year ago. The picture before her was proof enough, though she was impressed by their ability to keep it secret.

James was asleep in the chair beside the fire, a peaceful look on his face. Lily smiled and walked over to him. She pushed his hair off of his forehead and gently placed a kiss there and then tiptoed up to her room.

Lily had been very surprised when Sirius had first yelled at her about leaving James alone. She had never even thought that a guy, Sirius or James no less, could be that caring and passionate about a friend. She used to criticize the Marauders, believing that they were held together by midnight pranking and other such silly, boyish things. It had just never crossed her mind that a friendship between two boys could be as deep as one between two girls. Even deeper, possibly.

Lily felt guilty as she slipped into her pajamas and looked into the bathroom mirror. Who had she been to judge them without getting to know them, or anything about them, really. She loaded her toothbrush with toothpaste, pondering what the past six years would have been like if she hadn't wasted so much time being awful to the boys she was coming to respect. She imagined that she would have had a lot more fun, and a lot more homework to do.

'_A year ago, I wouldn't even have been thinking about this.'_

Yes, she probably would have been thinking of the most efficient way to drown Potter.

'_James,'_ she corrected herself.

She spat the toothpaste into the sink and turned on the faucet to wash her face. When she finished, she looked at herself in the mirror again. Something seemed to have washed away besides the dirt. She had been washing it away for a few months now. It was her prejudice against the Marauders.

She felt a lot lighter as she crawled into her bed.


	7. Mischief and Mistletoe

Alright guys. This is the last chapter. I really hope you like it! I've been working hard. :)

* * *

Lily's eyes fluttered a few times. Something dark was hovering over her. As her view came in to sharper focus, she found that it was a dark-haired boy, and he was sitting on the edge of her bed, leaning quite closely over her.

She screamed.

He laughed. She recognized that laugh. She sat up and smacked him.

"Ouch. Gosh Lils, that hurt," Sirius pouted.

"Serves you right! And I thought you two looked sweet last night. You're terrible."

Sirius grinned.

"Yea, about that," he started.

"We'd sort of like to keep it quiet." Lily looked over to see Remus leaning on her doorframe.

'_Well at least he has some decency.'_

Lily rubbed her chin. Neither of them believed her. Fine. "I suppose I could comply."

"Ahh, thank you, my Lilyflower! I knew you'd come through." Sirius took her hand and kissed it.

Lily rolled her eyes and looked at Remus – he shrugged, an amused grin on his face.

"You disgust me. Now get up, I need to get dressed." Lily gave Sirius a rather large push and he nearly fell off the bed. Nearly.

"Fine. We'll just be in the common room then…" he muttered, mock dejectedly.

"Oh yes, I'm sure you will," she said, with a nasty smirk. The boys blushed. Lily tsk'ed and made her way to the bathroom. She made sure the door was locked before she started up the shower and undressed.

She was pulling her shirt over her head when she realized that she hadn't gotten James a Christmas present. She finished dressing quickly and bundled up, hurrying out of the castle. Halfway to Hogsmeade, she ran in to someone and both lost their balance and fell into the snow. Lily shook her head and looked at who she had bumped into.

"James!" she exclaimed in surprise.

"Lily?" she watched as he fumbled with his hands. She thought he was hiding something, but she saw nothing.

"What are you doing here?" she knew she wouldn't be able to get him anything now.

"I could ask the same …"

Lily shrugged. "I, er – needed to get a present for a friend. Forgot." She laughed nervously.

"Ah," he said. "Shall I help you?"

Lily blushed and fidgeted a little. "Actually … that friend is sort of sitting in front of me right now …"

James looked at her. And then laughed. She raised an eyebrow.

"I guess I could say that I've been here on the same business … but alas, I've had no luck!"

Lily grinned and took the hand that James offered. "How long have you been outside, then?"

"Oh, I don't know, a few hours." He shrugged.

"James!" she shrieked, slapping the arm she was holding. "You could get sick! We must go inside."

"Geez, okay, _mother._"

He instantly regretted his words. Lily looked up at him sadly. He didn't need to say it for her to know that he was sorry. She smiled weakly.

"Well, yea … you're right though … I wouldn't want you getting sick, either."

Arm in arm, they made their way back toward the grounds. James stopped by the tree at the lake and sat down. He beckoned to a place in the snow next to him. Lily obliged, though she would much rather have continued on to the castle.

"You know … this tree … it's really rather special to us Marauders …"

"Really?"

He glanced over at her. "Oh come on, don't look at me like that. It's true."

"Uh huh."

"In my first year –"

"Um … James?" Lily's teeth were chattering.

"Lily?"

"I'd really love to hear the story but … maybe like, in the summer … when it's not freezing outside …?"

James noticed her shivering and blushed. "Sorry. I've just gotten so used to the cold."

"Uh huh …"

"Right. Well then …" He promptly stood up, swept her up into his arms, and marched back to the castle. He got to the top of the steps and stood in front of the door, unsure of how he was going to get it open. He struggled with it for a few moments, and Lily sighed and interrupted.

"James, you know, you can put me down …"

"Oh. Right." His ears reddened and he gently placed her on her feet. He held the door open for her and they headed back to the dormitory. When they got back, Sirius and Remus were sitting on the couch with crossed arms and expectant expressions. Sirius quirked one of his eyebrows for his 'excuse-me-but-what-were-you-doing-together-without-letting-me-know?' look. Remus' grin could not possibly be any wider. Lily collapsed onto the couch and took off her winter gear, glad for the large fire that was already going.

Silence followed for a few moments while James and Lily huddled in front of the fire.

"Oh hell, if you're not going to tell us what you were doing together, alone, in the snow … then you could at least thank us for cleaning up the horrible mess," Sirius pouted.

"We weren't doing anything," James said, looking at Lily.

"If I remember right, you guys were the ones who made the mess in the first place. Who else was going to clean it up?" Lily added.

"That's beside the point. What were you two doing?"

"Shopping," they said in unison. They smiled.

"Did you find anything interesting?" Remus asked James.

"Just each other," Lily replied, unaware that the question hadn't been meant for her. James blushed. Sirius laughed. Remus smiled. Lily looked at them all like they were insane.

* * *

The day was well spent snacking, talking, playing games, laughing and joking.

Long after darkness had fallen and they were all beginning to lean back, they engaged in a game of exploding snap. Sirius started to make a model of Hogwarts, but it burst into flame as he reached the top towers and he shrieked madly as it threatened to engulf his perfectly groomed hair in flame. He glared at the remaining cinders from a distance as the rest of them laughed.

Remus made a perfect replica of the Trojan Horse, which he prodded with his wand so that it would roll around the table and neigh occasionally. It burned beautifully from the wheels up and gave a dying neigh before it became nothing more than a puff of smoke. Sirius glowered jealously. Again, laughter.

Lily made a brilliant heart with her cards, that throbbed steadily when she finished.

Sirius was starting to feel quite showed up.

James worked on his for a long time with is back to them. "You can't see it until it's finished," he said.

"What if it explodes before you finish?" Lily chimed.

"Yea, what if? I mean, that is the whole point of the cards…" Sirius bounced. He really was hoping that James would fail miserably and join him in exploding snap shame.

Meanwhile, Lily curled up her legs and held her feet, conversing with Remus and Sirius about what gawd-awful prank they had always wanted to attempt before they left Hogwarts. Sirius started explaining something very complex that involved green fairies and Cornish pixies and trick puddings and large explosions and so many other things that Lily started to nod dully just to pretend she was listening.

Eventually, James tapped her on the shoulder and she turned around in time to have her breath taken away. James had created the most incredible mosaic with the cards of him and Lily smiling at each other.

A snap pulled their eyes toward the mosaic, which began to explode one card at a time with a domino effect. Lily noticed, however, that some of the cards weren't burning.

James grinned. "Lily…?" he started. The ones that were left spelled out, _'will you go out with me?'_

Lily turned to say something, a slightly troubled crease in her forehead, when she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. Sirius had leapt off the couch and was leaning across the coffee table, one hand planted on it for balance, the other stretched out as far as it would go. He was dangling something above their heads. James followed Lily's gaze slowly and a smile spread across his features to match Sirius' grin. Lily gaped.

Mistletoe.

James was pleasantly surprised. Lily was not-so-pleasantly shocked.

But what could she do?

"Go on, kiss, then," Sirius whispered. Lily rolled her eyes and turned to James.

And chose the worst time possible to blush.

James smiled sweetly and placed a hand on her face. She closed her eyes. She knew James was leaning. She could smell freshly cut grass, the willow tree, the breeze over the lake, butterbeer, and James' cologne. She could have melted in the scent forever. She felt his breath on her face. When their lips met, she opened her eyes.

In that moment, she discovered what love looks like.

They pulled apart, and Sirius and Remus clapped. They blushed furiously, remembering that they had an audience.

"Actually, Lily, I did have a little something for you …" James peered at her nervously.

"Okay."

"I had rather planned on waiting, but … well … I want you to have this." He pulled a small box out of his pocket. Lily's eyes began to water.

Neither Sirius nor Remus had seen this one coming.

"It belonged to my mother."

He handed her the box. She looked at it nervously, then back at James. He was rather afraid that she would refuse to open it. She did, with trembling fingers.

She stared at the ring for several moments without saying anything. James had to will himself not to get up and run away.

Finally, she looked up at James with tears in her eyes and, flinging her arms around his neck and burying her face in it, she began to cry.

James wrapped her in his arms and rubbed her back, giving Sirius and Remus a nervous grin.

Somehow, everything was going to be alright after all.

* * *

**Orange Sky** _(The OC: Mix 1)  
_Alexi Murdoch

_Well I had a dream  
I stood beneath an orange sky  
Yes I had a dream  
I stood beneath an orange sky  
With my brother standing by  
With my brother standing by  
I said "Brother, you know you know  
It's a long road we've been walking on  
Brother you know it is you know it is  
Such a long road we've been walking on" _

And I had a dream  
I stood beneath an orange sky  
With my sister standing by  
With my sister standing by  
I said "Sister, here is what I know now  
Here is what I know now  
Goes like this..  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, in your love, in your love"

But sister you know I'm so weary  
And you know sister  
My hearts been broken  
Sometimes, sometimes  
My mind is too strong to carry on  
Too strong to carry on

When I am alone  
When I've thrown off the weight of this crazy stone  
When I've lost all care for the things I own  
That's when I miss you, that's when I miss you, that's when I miss you  
You who are my home  
You who are my home

_  
And here is what I know now  
Here is what I know now  
Goes like this..  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, in your love, in your love _

Well I had a dream  
I stood beneath an orange sky  
Yes I had a dream  
I stood beneath an orange sky  
With my brother and my sister standing by  
With my brother and my sister standing by  
With my brother and my sister standing by

* * *

Well, I hope you guys liked it. I know it's not the story I usually think of when I think of how James and Lily came to be but … I wanted to write it. I hope it was good. 


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